You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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