youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
