I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
