I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
