He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
