your thong is hanging out like whoa
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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