I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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