well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
me + whiskey = a bad person
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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