do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
