Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
