Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
