My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
