whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so let's talk penis.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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