You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
