Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
