Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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