Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize