I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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