She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
