remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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