We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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