Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
