I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
