Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
