I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
