I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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