I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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