Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
