Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
