omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
