She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Your penis caused this!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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