So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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