My hand turned me down
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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