you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
