We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im holly from the hills drunk
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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