I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
