he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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