I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
