Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
