I could make wine with my vomit
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
