Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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