Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
