my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
