I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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