i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
