I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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