saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize