I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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