yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
