Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
