ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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