its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
