So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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