I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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