i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize