if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
