pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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