So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
