I think my fart just growled at me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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