Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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