Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
