I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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