Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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