You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
