I wanna bring you to show and tell
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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