I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
