she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
