i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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