Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
